Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Married for Life Part III

I wrote about dealing with problems in marriage in two earlier posts. Here’s more on the topic.

In addition to unrealistic expectations, there are the inevitable misunderstandings that occur in marriage. You are each individuals, different in many ways. No matter how much in love you are, misunderstandings will occur, especially given the hectic and stressful lives we lead. Unfortunately, stress, pressure, and unresolved disagreements can cause a married couple to slowly drift apart. If they don’t take action to correct the situation, they can drift so far apart that the marriage becomes empty and the relationship cold.

Therefore, somebody has to take action to bring them back together in relationship, even if it means swallowing some pride and having a difficult discussion. Sue and I have stayed married for 40 years because when we did drift apart, we didn’t like it and took action to resolve our differences. Many times it was a matter of wrong perceptions, and taking time to discuss the situation ultimately resolved the issue or issues. Usually we both agreed to make changes that would strengthen the relationship and get us back on track to where we should be.

Such discussions can be painful and you make yourself vulnerable, so it is essential that both sides respect what the other is saying, even if you don’t agree. You may feel the other person’s perception is totally wrong, but it is absolutely real to him or her. Therefore it must be addressed constructively. If things have gotten to the point where such a discussion is impossible or unproductive, then I recommend you seek competent help to aid in the process. Your marriage is worth the time and effort.

More on the topic of problems in marriage in a future post.

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