Married for Life Part V

Here’s more reasons why marriages get into trouble:

4. Poor Choices

Often poor choices are made, including the choice of a spouse, getting married too young, or not taking the time to get to know each other better. One comment on getting to know each other better. Co-habitation is thought of as a “trial run” but statistics have shown that it doesn’t work that way. Co-habiting couples who eventually do get married have no better success rate than those who didn’t live together before marriage.

Another poor choice is that some people get married out of habit. They’ve been going together for a while, seem to get along, and so they end up getting married. The problem is, they really aren’t that compatible, and they don’t have that deep love that is necessary for a successful marriage. Such a marriage is a disaster waiting to happen! Either the marriage won’t last, or they’ll be miserable in the marriage.

Other poor choices almost guarantee there will be financial difficulties, stress, and conflict. For example, some couples spend huge amounts of money on a wedding and honeymoon. Then they buy an expensive house, fill the house with expensive furniture, have two costly vehicles in the driveway, and still have student loans to pay off. While it’s a good idea to build equity in a house as soon as possible, buying an enormous house you really can’t afford is going to cause financial strains (as we’ve seen with the recent mortgage crisis). How can anybody get a marriage off to a good start when they are up to their eyeballs in debt?

5. Wedding More Important Than Marriage

Along those same lines, I think some women are so focused on the wedding that the marriage suffers. I may be wrong, but I’ve sensed that some women are in a hurry to get married just to have that Big Day. So much effort is expended on that day of days, when she is “Queen for a Day” that there is a tremendous letdown once the wedding is all over and you settle into a routine. Again, the debt that is built up to pay for this extravaganza is staggering, and immediately puts a strain on the couple. The wedding day should be special, but must be kept in perspective.

More on marriage in a future post.